Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

What would you like for Christmas? What do you get Dad? Church rules Mother in a storm Christmas gifts Christmas shopping Christmas carols Father Christmas The Everlasting Turkey ** What would you like for Christmas? A little girl visited Father Christmas in the local garden centre grotto. He welcomed her with a smile and asked...

** Died in the services Little Alex was staring up at the large brass plaque that hung on the side wall of the church.  The plaque was covered with names, and seemed to fascinate the seven-year-old. “All those names,” he said to the minister. “Who are they?” “Well, they were people who used to go to...

** Halloween costumes My six-year-old son was excited about choosing his Halloween costume. “I’m going to be the Pope,” he announced proudly. “But Ian, you can’t be the Pope. You’re not Catholic,” I explained. “You’re Church of England.” My son was silent for a few moments, while he considered his alternatives. “Well, is Dracula Church...

** Visit A bishop visited a primary school in his full episcopal attire – with his mitre, robes and bishop’s crook or crozier.  A little lad’s mother asked him later what he had thought of the bishop’s visit to his school. The little boy replied: “It was great – now I know what a real...

Editor:   We thank Phil Mason’s Christians Crackers (3) for the following stories… Game rules During the local football game, the coach asked one of his young players: “Do you understand what cooperation is?” The little boy nodded yes. “Do you understand that what matters is winning together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes....

Those church bulletin notices that went wrong somewhere…. ~ This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship. ~ This blooper showed up on the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: “In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican...

Techie trouble The vicar at our local church experienced some technical problems with the sound system one Sunday. Instead of starting the service as usual with ‘The Lord be with you’, he said: “There’s something wrong with the microphone.” Not hearing this, the congregation responded: “And also with you.” ** With Petertide ordinations in mind…...

** Children’s exam papers The following real-life answers to various exam papers explain why teachers need long holidays… What is a nitrate?  – Cheaper than a day rate. What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for? – He is a noted figure in history because he invented cigarettes and started a craze for bicycles. What did...

** Worry I have so many problems that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it. **  Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (Theological Version) Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all. Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven. John Wesley: The...

Palm Sunday visit It was Palm Sunday, but because of a sore throat, five-year-old Bobby was kept home from church with his grannie. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds and Bobby asked them what they were for. “People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father explained....

Romance, love, marriage and all that stuff Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. Do what we can to help Bye bye God’s army Unhappy in love Off to the vet And if love should die…. Definition of old No compromise Muddy woof ** Editor:  With Valentine’s Day in mind…  just for fun, why...

** Editor:  One of our Parish Pump editors, Catherine, near Chester, has just sent in the following true story from her own parish.  Keeping warm?   A member of our PCC floated the idea of opening the church during the Warm Spaces hours, for anyone wishing to sit in church and light a candle. **...