Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

** Santa I am terrified of the Santa at the shopping centre where I work. Our HR lady talked it over with me, and has discovered I am Claustrophobic. ** Christmas card Richard, my husband, and I had a hectic Christmas holiday schedule involving work, care of parents, driving of teenagers, shopping, and all the...

** Where? A rather long-winded preacher was dealing with the Old Testament prophets, one by one.  “And now,” he propounded, “we reach Isaiah. Where shall I put Isaiah?” At that, a little man in the front row stood up. “He can have my seat. I am going home!” ** With winter sports in mind The...

Did you mean what you just said? The following are genuine notes left for milkmen. ~  Dear Milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one. ~  Cancel one pint after the day after today. ~  Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. ~  Please close the gate behind...

Editor:  Local church life picks up again in September…when notices start flying around again… Real life extracts from church notices that didn’t come out quite right… * Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference:  The cost for attending the Prayer & Fasting conference includes meals. * Report in a church magazine:  Miss Charlene...

Editor:  We offer these classics, some of which you may have seen, but just in case you haven’t…  As you enjoy your children during the holidays, remember … You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and...

Solar power Baptism Heaven help me Are you camping this summer?  Here are some helpful hints… Pleasure US Holiday Advertising terms explained The kiss Pay for what you get Seagull Summer guide to modern science around the house Grandchildren The lady who wanted three hymns Greeting Card Spider ** Solar power Somebody finally invented a...

** Techie trouble The vicar had technical problems with the sound system one Sunday. Instead of starting the service as usual with ‘The Lord be with you’, he muttered: “There’s something wrong with the microphone.” Not hearing this, the congregation responded: “And also with you.” ** Be sticky Consider the postage stamp.  Its usefulness consists...

** Not expecting this The young minister took his wife to the Maternity Hospital and was told it would be a long labour. So, he agreed to ring at lunchtime for news. But when he phoned, he dialled the wrong number and got the County Cricket Ground. He said: “I brought my wife to your...

Editor:  5th April is end of the tax year. So, your readers may want to reflect that… A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A few more deductions, and your take-home pay isn’t going to be enough to get you there. A penny saved is a...

** Editor:  With Mothering Sunday in mind…. you could consider running the same quiz on the youngsters in your church! Why God made mums These were the answers given by some seven- year-olds… Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows all the passwords we use online. 2. Mostly to clean...

Editor:  With Valentine’s Day in mind… The Rules of Marriage Here are the real-life answers from a group of children: How do you decide who to marry? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the...

** With Epiphany in mind… I was telling my three boys the story of the Nativity and how the Wise Men brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh for the infant Jesus. Clearly giving it a lot of thought, my six-year-old observed, “Mum, a Wise Woman would have brought nappies.” ** Cry Pharaoh! A visiting...