Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

** The cat A vicar and his wife were going out for the evening, and carefully set the security lights and put the cat out. But when they opened the door to go to the taxi, the cat slipped back in and disappeared upstairs. Irritated, the vicar followed it. The wife waited with the taxi...

Editor:  Children don’t always hear Christmas carols quite right…. Children’s Christmas Carols Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly We three kings of porridge and tar On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire. He’s makin a list, chicken and rice. Noel, Noel,...

 ** With the forthcoming US Presidential Election in mind… A candidate came home in the small hours and gave his wife the wonderful news: “Darling, I’ve been elected!” She was delighted. “Honestly?”  she demanded. He laughed in an embarrassed sort of way. “Oh, why bring that up?” * Old politicians never die – they just...

A spirit guest? Moses revisited Ten Commandments Sorry The language of church-going Noah and the Ark – 2020 version New York Prayer for the sick Learning from the young Telling the time Where? Home Aliens Put it this way… ** A spirit guest? When new neighbours moved in next door, they held a House Warming...

Editor:  As Party Conference season begins and the US Presidential election draws closer: Are politicians the oldest profession? A surgeon, an architect and a politician were arguing as to whose profession was the oldest.  Said the surgeon: “Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and that surely was a surgical operation.” “Maybe,” admitted the architect, “but...

** Keep your distance! I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch you with a six-foot pole” would become national policy, but here we are! ** Body parts  A doctor in our village surgery often plays a game with his younger patients to put them at ease, and to test their knowledge of body parts....

New version of Apostles’ Creed When our church began live streaming its services, our minister was at first a bit nervous. Still, he kept his cool, and you would never have known he was struggling until he reached the Apostles’ Creed. Then he firmly announced that Jesus was…”confused by the Holy Ghost, born of the...

Here are some excruciating one-liners… What time of day was Adam created? Just a little before Eve. Who was the fastest runner in the race? Adam. He was first in the human race. Why are atoms Catholic? Because they all have mass. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was always standing...

Why Jesus walked on water A tourist, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost £50 an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.  “Goodness,” he objected to the travel agent.  “In England it would not have been more than £20.” “That might be true,”...

Palm waving It was Palm Sunday, but five-year-old Jamie stayed at home with mum because of a bad cold. When his father and sisters returned, they were carrying several palm fronds. His sister explained:  “People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by.” “That’s not fair!” Jamie protested. “The one Sunday I don’t go,...

Church Magazine Bloomers A senior moment Colourful writing Mini Pastoral care And then…. Prayers Smart money Posh pooch Lullaby Wet Family car ** Editor:  We have included some of these in previous years, but they are so much fun that if you haven’t yet seen them, you really should…. Church Magazine Bloomers You know what...

Editor:  with 14th February and romantic love on the mind:  Adam and Eve Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.  He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. Take me out An elderly single woman died last month. ...