Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

Shopping The manager of a department store put this notice in the window: ‘If you need it this Christmas, we have it.’  But in the window of a rival, a sign appeared, stating: ‘If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.’ ** Wise? When I told my children the story of how the Wise...

Expectant The rector of a church had just made the happy announcement that a member of the congregation was with child.  Then he reminisced a bit: ‘As far as I know, there have been no pregnancies in this church for years – until I arrived!’ ** Apostolic An old lady went to church and heard...

A vampire story for Halloween Ghost Stories The Feud Definitions The sermon Warning Family Bible surprise Funeral School When insults had class Some miscellaneous one-liners Opting out Posters Prayers as heard by children ** A vampire story for Halloween Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, were travelling through Europe in their car,...

** Where now? A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. “Where would we be today,” she asked, “if no one had ever been curious?” There was a pause, and then one child ventured: “In the garden of Eden?” ** Sit where you like Whilst serving...

Washed away A grandmother took her little grandson to the beach.  They were having a good time until a huge wave came in and swept the boy out to sea!  The grandmother fell on her knees and cried to the heavens: “Please, Lord, return my grandson!  Please! PLEASE!” Lo and behold, a wave swelled from...

Signs found outside churches –  It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin. –  If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again. –  Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon. –  This is a ch_ _ch What is...

Laodicean fervour? Miscellaneous observations With school-days in mind… Trouble Cheers Mitre Heaven and hell Church council To travel hopefully Crowd Nun Sins ** Laodicean fervour? The Laodicean church is described in the Bible in the book of The Revelation as being lukewarm. If the Laodiceans were to have a hymnal, suitable for their conviction, here’s...

Do you know your hymns? Dentist’s Hymn…………Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman’s Hymn……… There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor’s Hymn………..The Church’s One Foundation Tailor’s Hymn…………..Holy, Holy, Holy Golfer’s Hymn…………There’s a Green Hill Far Away ** Epitaphs found on headstones In London: Here lies Ann Mann Who lived an old maid But died an old...

Egg Church notice:  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Cusworth to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. ** The bishop’s visit A bishop was visiting a small church in his diocese for Easter.  He wanted the young people to understand what he had to say about the Good Shepherd, so...

Sign in church The new curate had put some signs around the church.  They read: Keep your eyes on me preaching! Stop reading these signs! ** Query If you can quote lines out of the Bible, are you well-versed in it? ** Grannie After church, the mother asked her young son if he had enjoyed...

Some miscellaneous observations on modern life… A cabbie is a fare-minded person. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A job at the nursery can lead to a budding career. A...

New Year Resolution I always make the same resolution and I have never once broken it: every year I resolve to give something up for Lent and then when Lent comes, I give up my New Year’s resolution. ** Sermon   A boy was watching his father, a minister, write a sermon and asked how he...