Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

With Christmas in mind…. What do you call a cat in the desert?  Sandy Claws. What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards. What did the dog get for Christmas?  A mobile bone. Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?  Santa Jaws. What did Adam say in the Garden of Eden on December 24? It’s...

Worried son Wake Died in the services Last chance? Say that again? What bishops do When children tell Bible stories (real-life efforts that didn’t quite make it…) As for those signs found outside churches: Can’t scare me Top job Church membership Vacuum cleaner Some miscellaneous observations on life … Cats & teenagers ** Worried son...

A different kind of diet Each day I aim to eat something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the ‘whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is’ group. ** All free! The nursery teacher decided to tell her class about democracy. ‘We live in a great country,’ she began. ‘One of...

The hot heckler Baby on way Good husband Hear our prayer? Alternative prayer Don’t sleep angry How to get to heaven Hearing is not believing Old leaf? Deliver us… Some musings on daily life ** The hot heckler Tony Benn, who used a hearing aid, recalled a meeting in a church hall on a terribly...

The Lion’s Den A Sunday school teacher was telling the story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den. She described the hunger and ferocity of the lions, and then showed her class a picture of Daniel standing brave and confident right in the middle of them all.  Suddenly one little girl began to cry. The teacher...

Smile Lines   Not covered by insurance A recent letter that appeared in The Independent newspaper: ‘Following the recent major flooding, I find myself out of pocket, due to what I am informed is an ”act of God.” To avoid future financial embarrassment, please could you recommend an atheist insurance company?   Inner peace If...

Smile Lines ** Be with you The vicar at a local church experienced some technical problems with the sound system one Sunday. Instead of starting the service as usual with ‘The Lord be with you’, he said: ‘There’s something wrong with this microphone.’ Not hearing this, the congregation responded: ‘And also with you.’ ** Too...

Canterbury monks Signs of the times Applied Law The same yesterday… Telly trouble You asked for it As good as it gets Got it all already Say yes Eve and leaves Oh dear Bank Holiday break Dudley Editor:  Some miscellaneous one-liners …  ** Canterbury monks My boyfriend was working as an attendant in Canterbury Cathedral...

Calming the storm I was telling my children the story of when Jesus and the disciples were in a boat, crossing the Sea of Galilee, and a storm came up and threatened to sink them.  I went on: ‘Meanwhile, Jesus had fallen asleep in the stern.  So, the disciples, scared of drowning, went back and...

Smile Lines Calming the storm Praying for wheels Show and Tell What would Jesus do? Some hymns for people over 50 Cure Polite Sidesman Family pride When you mix children and religion… Don’t delay Star-gazing Definitions Phonecall Some one-liners ** Calming the storm I was telling my children the story of when Jesus and the...

Smile Lines   ** Palms It was Palm Sunday, but because of a sore throat, young James stayed home from church with his grannie. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for. “People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father told...

Smile lines ** Editor:  with Valentine’s Day in mind… Oops! Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday. ** Listen My wife says I never listen, or something like that… ** Insanity Doctor: ‘Has there been any insanity in your family?’ Woman: ‘I’m afraid so.  My husband sometimes thinks he’s the boss.’...